LIFE | In the case of a Zombie Apocalypse, someone better eat my brains.

Nothing makes you appreciate the comfort amenities of civilization quite like camping, or in extreme cases, a zombie apocalypse. 

Running water, modern refrigeration, expected privacy, and basic cleanliness are just a few of the luxuries I have spent the last two decades or so selfishly entitling myself to (#Firstworldproblems)

5 Reasons The Zombies Should Just Eat My Brains Now:

1. I hate bugs. And dirt. Not just some bugs, ALL bugs. And all dirt. (I am neither a fan of sandboxes or the beach, to be honest.) 

2. Privacy. Give me some space dude. I don't care if our nearest neighbor is 10 miles away, get outta my tent when I'm changing my pants. This is not sexy time and thanks to the bugs/dirt I'm not feeling very sexy.

3. How the hell is my food service safety trained brain supposed to accept the fact that eating meat, stored in a plastic cooler, is somehow OK (read: Safe). Salmonella is real, yo and I don't do food poisoning or the symptoms associated with it.

4. That dirt I mentioned. It's fucking everywhere. My feet just can't handle the layers upon layers of dust that have caked on. And forget about showers because out in the wilderness you have about 3 days before my oil prone hair begins smelling like last weeks sweat pants (ewwww, gross I know!)

5. Did I mention I HATE bugs? Hell yes I packed a fly swatter bitches. 

After the initial adjustment period and about half a case of beer by lunch time, it became obviously clear that this whole camping/wilderness/surviving biological warfare in the desolate future scenario just wasn't for me. 

Sure, the idea of getting back to nature sounds pretty chill but how relaxed can you possibly be: covered in dirt, eating potentially life threatening meat and praying for a shower (not rain - Mother Nature, don't be an asshole).

I will definitely be updating my will to include immediate assassination in the event my loved ones die and my only option is to survive in the wild following the end of the world.

Screw camping and Bring on the brain eating parasitic humans.