PARENTING | Creating Independence

Last week I wrote about School Lunch and my daughter's quest to buy it from the cafeteria instead of bring it from home. 

I honestly believe that part of her fascination with the cafeteria and hot lunch comes from an independence most kids are fighting for at this age and I want to explain why I think it's important to nurture that independence. 

NATURE vs NURTURE

There is a kind of instinctual satisfaction you get when you provide for yourself; and while as parents we are responsible for loading a hot lunch card with funds, they are individually responsible for standing in line, choosing their side dishes, and serving themselves. 

I totally get that and I think there are plenty of opportunities to experience life lessons from it. I am in no way against school cafeterias, I am simply in the process of teaching other lessons right now. 

Each year I look for new ways to give her more independence. My instincts say that this process does two things: 

1. Builds an early work ethic by establishing responsibilities.
2. Reduces the amount of frustration felt during the "I want to do it myself" moments. 

CREATING THE ENVIRONMENT

Last year we started a system at home so she could make her own lunches. I gave her a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter and a bowl full of jelly. She used a small spatula or butter knife to make 5 sandwiches. Then she was responsible for wrapping them up, putting them in the fridge, and cleaning up her mess. 

EXPECTATIONS, RESPONSIBILITIES & CONSEQUENCES

As a result of her above age-level maturity, she has taken on many responsibilities beyond many of her peers. When it comes to things like buckling a seat belt, taking a shower, putting laundry away and feeding the dog, I never thought to check the parenting handbook on appropriate ages. She would ask for a task, I would help her, she would try to do it herself, and more often than not, totally succeed.  There is always a safety concern and learning curve; for example I check her seat belt and sometimes she doesn't rinse all of the shampoo out of her hair on the first try. 

Occasionally it creates some friction when she thinks I don't trust her judgement or when I send her back into the shower 2 or 3 more times. Afterwards, when she does it right and she does it herself, that sense of satisfaction is my most powerful tool in parenting.